Three Words

When I attended my first coaching training intensive, an early homework assignment I was given was to ask people who are close to me to describe me using three words.  Whomever I asked would not be permitted to explain why they selected the words they did, and I wasn’t permitted to ask.

I procrastinated this assignment for much longer than I should admit, out of fear of the vulnerable place I’d be in as recipient of the words.  Teen versions of me still occasionally crowd my heart with the emotional memories of adolescent taunts and trauma.  Ghosts of negative reviews from my time onstage haunt my dreams.  Professional put-downs from back-handed compliments still smart.  I know what people have said to me; about me.  

The more confident you appear, the more the world tries to chip away at you.  The more yourself you try to be, the more you’re othered and expected to conform.  

Here’s how I consistently described myself at the time I was given this assignment, without explanation or disclaiming:

Difficult

Overachiever

No nonsense

Strange

Clever

I looked at that list, and I think: those are powerful words, but they’re not necessarily kind words.  Can I verbally vomit my reasons for those words?  Sure, but who really gives a damn.  

The point is, the way I talk about myself is fueled from a lifetime of allowing other people into my head to define me, for me.

While I kind of cheated on my coaching homework– I’ll explain this in a moment– I gave myself a secondary assignment: make my personal descriptors shinier; more of a reflection of the beautiful mermaid that I want to know I am.

And so:

Difficult → Direct

Overachiever → Prepared

No nonsense → Straightforward

Strange → Effervescent

Clever → Brilliant

Literally reading those back to myself now to check my spelling is like releasing a held breath.  I feel better.  

I’m curious: How do you describe yourself?  Are you embracing everything that makes you, you? Are you reclaiming your headspace with words of opportunity that allow you to shine?  Are you ready to ask those you love to describe you, without explanation?

So, my homework.  I asked my nieces and nephews, then all under the age of 7, for three words they’d use to describe me.  I figured I could more easily laugh away their responses (if I needed to).  I also asked my partner.  Removing duplicates, here’s the list they came up with:

• Patient

• Kind

• Silly

• Nice

• Adventurer

• Goofy

• Vibrant/bright

• Brave

• Unexpected

• Cozy

There’s no reason to laugh those words away.  

They’re not wrong.